twitter fail blog

In a perfect world, Direct Messages (DM’s) on twitter can be used to share information that is best not shared on the public timeline, or to continue conversations that the rest of your followers don’t need to see. 

Unfortunately, twitter is filled with imperfection, and some people just can’t help but send DM’s that nobody really wants to read. There are so many of these lame DM’s going around that some people can’t sift through all the garbage to find DM’s they really want to read from people they like. If you’re one of those people, take our advice and unfollow or block all those people. It’s better to have fewer followers you really want to interact with, than thousands who drive you crazy, like the guy who was upset that twitter was limiting him to 1000 DM’s per day.

Here’s our list of the top ten:

1. Thanks for following! – If you really think it’s great that someone is following you, check out their bio and timeline, and if you like them, follow them back. That’s thanks enough.
2. Follow me on Facebook – This person (if it’s really a person, and not a bot) probably doesn’t really know much about you yet, and you probably know very little about them, too. Are you sure you want them to be your “friend?” Are you this indiscriminate IRL? If you like strangers stalking you, or posting pictures on your wall of them frolicking naked with wildlife, then this is probably okay.
3. Make easy money with twitter – This throws up a big red flag that says, “I’m going to start spamming you now.” The easy money you can make with twitter is to get other people to buy the program from you that you foolishly bought thinking you could make easy money on twitter.
4. Join my mafia family, or clan, or cave, or farm – Really? Someone really wants to join a farm? We lived in several places in the Midwest, and nobody was excited about being on a farm, unless the parents were in Bermuda and we could have the Best New Years Eve Party of All Time in one of the outbuildings. (City folks: That’s not an outhouse – look it up)
5. Buy stuff from me -  This is sometimes camouflaged as a “my special gift (or offer) just for followers like you.” Nothing makes friends faster than a sales pitch.  
6. Tell me about yourself – Let’s see, how could you find out stuff about your new follower? Maybe read their bio, or check out their timeline. There’s a start.
7. Congratulations, you’re now tweeting with… – So nice to see how much you like yourself.  We’ve decided we don’t have enough space in our timeline for your ego. 
8. Twitter automation tools- Once you set these up, the tool will send out tweets and DM’s without you ever having to lift a finger, ever again! Which, of course, means you’ll never read any of our tweets, and yours will be completely auto-generated. So social. The same kind of personal interaction you can get by attending a cocktail party via speakerphone.
9. Send peace, or a hug, or a daisy, or a beer, or a diamond, or a who really cares whatever it is, and then ask for one back. – These cutesy little “gifts” are the equivalent of a multi-forwarded, carat-laden valentine e-card. If you want to send a gift, use paypal. Everyone likes money.
10. Inspirational quotes -  There are no original inspirational quotes on twitter. Every single one has been tweeted and retweeted a zillion times, so the person you’re sending that lovely little quip has already read it at least as many times as you have.  Don’t believe us? Type the quote into the twitter search box before you send it out, and you’ll see how many other people on twitter don’t have an original thought in their head at that moment. Some of them never do.

There’s our list, in no particular order. If you disagree with our list, or have some to add (we know you do) feel free to comment.  Just don’t send a DM.