Epic Fail
A fail so colossal that no other category really describes its magnitude of failure
twitter fail blog
sharing the good, and exposing the best of the worst on twitter
The post that will finally get us in Wikipedia
People (you know, They) say that history is important because it repeats itself, so you have to pay attention, as if remembering the dates of the War of 1812 will actually help you do more in life than pass 7th grade. That’s why we loved studying Mythology when we were in school, because it is like history that didn’t really happen. It is full of life lessons, and morals, and can help you become a better person, and all that, plus it was cool that the teachers were so serious about stuff that was totally make-believe.
Mythology is full-on geek stuff; D&D of the Middle Ages, or whenever that was. Muscled men, scantily-clad women, silly names and all. One pretty popular mythological character was Narcissus (see, here’s where Wikipedia picks us up) shows up in a lot of tales. We were supposed to learn from the tales that Narcissus was an asshole who treated everyone who loved him like crap (like some guys we’ve known) but what everyone really remembers is how much he loved himself. Kind of like @NySoFckinFierce, who in less than an hour, posted all these pictures of herself on twitpic:
as well as these
and these
Narcissus fell in love with his reflection in a pool. He pined away there for the love of his life that he could never have, and eventually died. (The end)
So, what’s the moral of this story? There really isn’t one, since now, thanks to modern technology, @NySoFckinFierce can take the image of her soul-mate with her everywhere. We still recommend keeping her away from the koi pond, just to be safe.
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Thanks to Honorary Fail Bird Handler @agent_x for alerting us to this tweep. Want to be mentioned (favorably) on this blog? Find a twitter fail, and email us either the static link, or a screenshot of the fail, and you might find your name here.
Hippy Dippy
When we were kids, there was a beggar who would go door-to-door (they were much more enterprising in those days) asking for money. He didn’t speak a lot of English, so his banter was limited. What he said every time, every day that he came by, was: “Hot today, hot today, you got fifty cents?” He called him Hottoday, of course. Mom called him “Juan,” but we don’t think she knew his real name, either. Mom would give him money, and sometimes food to “get rid of him; he’ll probably just drink the money, so at least he has a good meal in his belly,” which means he stopped by a lot. Mom was a little confused about how that worked. That’s probably why we had so many cats.
After all these years, we got a little blast from the past when we discovered Hottoday on twitter. He’s obviously taken an ESL class since we saw him last, but the banter is the same.
Here you go, old buddy – it’s Mom’s number. She’s making pot roast.
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Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead
Sometimes there is a topic so rich and full of potential that we wax nostalgic about the early years of Saturday Night Life. Weekend Update with Chevy Chase would put Michael Jackson’s death in the proper context, and provide a refreshing counterpoint to the drivel that continues long after he was planted at Forest Lawn.
Michael took talent, fame, and privilege gained through the hard work of his entire family, and squandered it, in a self-indulgent spiral of self-mutilion and drug abuse, becoming a character more frightening and comical than Mr. Jefferson on South Park. His fame bought him access to children, and a free ride in a court of law. Not Guilty is a legal term. It doesn’t mean he was innocent. Is there an intelligent adult alive who really believes his dealings with children were all sunshine and rainbows?
Yesterday’s day long homage to him, by red-eyed, runny-nosed celebrities who shunned him for years was Hollywood window-dressing. We can only imagine how busy the phones were as all the agents in Tinsel Town fought to get their chosen celebrity an opportunity to march in the Michael Parade.
It’s refreshing, then, amidst all the MJ worship on twitter, to find someone engaging in hashtag spam in order to exploit the death of the King of Pop for his own personal gain. It’s the kind of crass disrespect ole Mikey deserves.
Of course, we kid. We think spamming hashtags shows what an enormous jerk one person can be.
True to form of the average twitter scammer, “Joseph Young” got down to business and set up a bunch of clones to spread his spam to the maximum number of tweets. He’s hoping you don’t remember the first rule of online avatars: If the chick is hot, she’s most likely not… A: hot, or B: a chick. Since they all point to his page, we’re pretty darned sure they are all him. (By the way, FBH says he’s not hot, either).
Then, “Joseph” and all his beauties started tweeting gems like this:
Bit.ly disabled that link, so he’s switched over to tinyurl.com today. Who wouldn’t want to “How to tweet spam would not be banned?” or “Juse set it up and forgrt it!”
He attempted yesterday to get a bunch of followers by offering his videos only to people who were following him, but that trick failed when his following verification tool didn’t work. So he “fixed” it. (PDF from yesterday)
Clicking through to his page today, you’ll see he’s offering to give you his piece of crap Twit Goldmine Exploiter - a collection of 6 videos showing you how to make money everyday automatically! That’s not all - it’s FREE until July 31, when he’s going to start selling it for $79, so act now!
Now we’ll tell you what we discovered so you don’t have to waste your time. The FREE program you get by just filling in your name and email address, requires you on the next screen to fill in your c0mplete address, phone number, and date of birth, and shares the terms of the FREE offer:
This promotion is conducted exclusively by Hotgiftzone. To receive the gift for this promotion you must: 1) register with valid information; 2) complete the user survey; 3) complete at least 2 Silver, 2 Gold and 6 Platinum offers. Available offers will vary and some offers may require a purchase to qualify. Receipt of your item requires compliance with offer terms, including: age and residency requirements, registration with valid email address, shipping address and contact phone number, completion of user survey and sponsor promotions. Upon valid completion of all Program Requirements we will ship your item to the shipping address you provided. Unless otherwise indicated, participation eligibility is restricted to US residents, 18 and over. Void where prohibited.
Of course, his page (on a free host) is poorly coded, so you can’t really see all of that information. Since this means you can’t sign up for anything, he is just as pitiful as the dead man from whom he is attempting to profit. The irony is priceless.
Wikipedia is our bible:
Guess Who (you should follow)
This is going to piss someone off, but we’re going to say it anyway. Why would anyone compete to be Paris Hilton’s BFF? It’s not just that the wind blows through one ear and out the other, or the fact that contestants on the “reality” show are willing to totally debase themselves for the chance to appear to be her friend. It’s primarily because Paris is famous because she is famous. Her fame is totally built on nothing but her fame.
Being famous for practically nothing isn’t new. Throughout the history of TV game shows, there have been personalities on game shows who are famous for being personalities on game shows. Brett Sommers is famous for being a panelist on the Match Game. (Okay, she did some acting, too, but no one remembers any of it, so it doesn’t count.) Who heard of Jaye P. Morgan outside of the Gong Show?
Moving forward to the current plethora of crap tv shows, losers on one reality show become a star in the next. (“New York” in Flavor of Love/I Love New York, Trista Rehn in The Bachelor/The Bachelorette, all the losers from Rock of Love ending up as stars on Charm School.) It’s not that any of them have talent, or do anything noteworthy, they’re just famous for being caught on camera.
Back to Paris Hilton. She is a pro at one thing: Promoting Paris. Getting to all the right places so she can be seen by all the right people. She’s on MySpace, has her own website, and doles out tidbits to her fans on her two twitter accounts. ( @babygirlparis and @HiltonsNewBFF – and no, we’re not following either.) She gets press everywhere she turns, because whe makes sure it happens.
There are ways to get famous, or at least noticed, on twitter. One of them is #followfriday, a tradition of recommending good quality tweeps to your friends. Get recommended enough, you get to the top of the #followfriday list, and more people seek you out.
@AmericanWomannn has taken a page from Paris’ book, and found her way to the upper levels of #followfriday today by promoting herself. She’s recommended herself in #followfriday posts, and RT her #followfriday recommendations by others so that each one gets maximum mileage. In some sort of giant love fest, she recommends hundreds of people, including herself, for the greatest part of the day, and they respond in kind.
On her account, and scores of others just like it, giving a #followfriday reco means nothing, other than a way to get a #followfriday recommendation. When the currency of a recommendation is reduced to the value of a reciprocal link, getting to the top of the list means nothing, other than that you are at the top of a list.
In this case, when @topfollowfriday asks the question: Who is endorsing you? The answer is: @AmericanWomannn.
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