twitter fail blog
sharing the good, and exposing the best of the worst on twitter
Cause and Effect
Every Sunday, we compile a list of the latest people we’re not following, and share that bit of info in our twitter stream. Today’s list included this tweet:
This happened just a few moments later:
How many people think Smokey’s bot needs a little fine tuning? Just saying.
Celebrity bots work just about as well as spammer bots, and auto-tweet bots. Information isn’t good, or bad, it’s just data. So, the bots that are programmed to look for the mention of a name just automatically follow the person who tweeted. You know what they say in Hollywood; it doesn’t matter if it’s good or bad, publicity is publicity. And a mention is just a mention. And a bot is still just a bot.
When we mentioned @craigyferg, the Craig Ferguson autofollowbot couldn’t help but follow us. The human programmer discovered the error of the bot’s ways, and unfollowed us shortly after. Smokey’s handlers will certainly do the same.
Neither @lipsynchingscot nor @smokey_robinson followed us because they found us interesting. Their bots just couldn’t help themselves. We’re not going to let the temporary pseudo-friendship to go to our heads. No celebrity in their right mind (is there such a thing?) would follow us on purpose.
Besides, the original Superstar, Jesus Christ, beat them all to it, and we never mentioned his name, ever.
There’s something creepy about being followed by the Son of God. Like every celebrity since, though, he’s unfollowed us, so we’re left to wonder whether we are harmless, boring, or like the Mary Magdalene in our high school (Hi Marcia!), just beyond help.
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Send in the Twitter Fail Bird! |
Hey Batter Batter
Our player, @boydazz steps up to the plate, and takes a pitch.
Strike One!
Is @smashlee227 following @boydazz?
Undaunted, he chokes up on the bat and swings again.
Strike Two!
Does @ChristinaLJ follow @boydazz?
No way is he going to walk away from the plate now.
Strike Three!
Does @mollycool follow @boydazz?
No matter how well he spins it, @boydazz isn’t going to make it to first base.
Perhaps you can give him some advice in the comments.
Thanks to Honorary Fail Bird Handler @mollycool for inadvertently bringing this fail to our attention.
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Send in the Twitter Fail Bird! |
You’re Dead to Me
You know, on the Ghost Whisperer, how Jennifer Love-Hewitt hears ghosts, and nobody else does, and they’re pretty sure she’s nutty, and maybe the creepy things are really her fault, because, hello, she’s the one hearing voices, so what do you think? Okay, in real life, she sparkles her vajayjay, so she definitely is pretty nutty, but that’s not the point. The point is, she talks to people who technically don’t exist.
That’s kind of like all those people on twitter who protect their tweets.
When your tweets are protected, using #hashtags is worthless, because your tweets don’t show up anywhere outside your twitter vault. It’s kind of like voting for Ralph Nader. Nice try, but it doesn’t mean anything.
Nobody wants to apply to be your friend. Just saying.
Gone in 60 Seconds
The original 1974 version of “Gone in 60 Seconds” was a totally crap movie, and the most awesome car chase film in the history of moving pictures. Don’t watch the remake, it’s even bigger crap than the original, with none of the awesomeness.
The crappy dialogue of either movie was a kajillion times better than the sewage spewed into this twitter stream:
Of course, we had to respond:
Hi Steve @resultscarpet my name is TwitterFail. You are the spammer asshat bot fail of the day. Your suspension is looming.
Why do we say this? Because in the wonderful self-correcting world that is twitter, the tweeps respond.
We’re pretty sure this isn’t the type of activity Steve was hoping for:
The trick is to get them laughing with you, not at you, Steve.
The ones who weren’t laughing at Steve struck back:
Twitter will soon be rid of Steve, because every one of these tweeps has a “block” button (and his phone number, BTW – smart one Steve). As soon as enough people report the spam and block old Stevie, he’ll be a distant blip on the screen.
That’s not as satisfying as crumpled metal and screeching tires, so, if you’ll excuse us, we’ve got a date with Eleanor.
Thanks to @_T_a_y_ for the alert!
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