twitter fail blog
sharing the good, and exposing the best of the worst on twitter
Mr. Ed
Flattery is the most imitation form of sincerity. Or something like that.
Everyone has a childhood hero they look up to. For most of us, our heroes were positive role models who taught us to be good people. Smokey the Bear showed us the importance of fire safety, Superman stood for “Truth, Justice and the American Way,” and Donna Reed taught us to clean house in a dress and high heels. Never mind that our house was more like a cross between Bewitched and The Little Rascals than Leave it to Beaver. While we played with our Barbies, at a time when horses talked and you could drive your mother, those positive messages helped us to believe that all was right in the world.
We think @stevebuelow had a different childhood hero than we did. See if you can guess who that might be.
There’s a point where friendly compliments cross the line and turn into effusive flattery. It ends up making the person sound phony, and like Wally and The Beav, makes us want to hurl.
By the way, Mrs. Cleaver, that’s a lovely dress you’re wearing.
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Send in the Fail Bird! |
Happy Birthday Nana!
Come here and let me get a good look at you. You’ve always been a pretty girl. And such a good girl, too. With that friend of yours showing up on Girls Gone Wild, I worried you might fall into the wrong crowd. But there was nothing to worry about, was there? No one will be taking pictures of a good church-going girl like you doing something that makes you look cheap. Yes, sweetie, you make Nana proud.
Click for close-up
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Send in the Fail Bird! |
Try It, You’ll Like It
Sam-I-Am is a persistent salesman. No matter how many different dining places or partners he proposes, his prospect is steadfast.
I would not, could not, in a box.
I could not, would not, with a fox.
I will not eat them with a mouse.
I will not eat them in a house.
I will not eat them here or there.
I will not eat them anywhere.
I do not eat green eggs and ham.
I do not like them, Sam-I-am.
But he keeps at it, and eventually, the prospect relents, and makes the purchase tries the green eggs and ham, and loves it. This story has provided encouragement to millions of salespeople over the past 49 years, and probably will, to the end of time. Unfortunately for the rest of us.
These tweeps are attempting to follow in Sam-I-Am’s footsteps by browbeating their followers with the same sales pitch, tweet after tweet after tweet. Each pitch is packaged a little differently than the one before or after, but they are all for the Same Exact Thing.
You want it now? How about now? Now?
In real life, where we happen to live, persistent salespeople get hung up on, doors closed in their face, and vilified in every medium. So, why do they think it works on twitter? It doesn’t.
I do not want your affiliate link
I do not want your tweets that stink
I do not want it in my stream
I do not want it on my screen
I could not, would not, follow you
I wish you all would get a clue
I do not like your twitter spam
I will not buy your scam, so scram
Our sincere apologies to Dr. Seuss.
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Send in the Fail Bird! |
Not a Pirate
Sometimes, we can do something so completely stupid that we just have to tell someone. This is one of those times. If only we would have listened when @cell_phony started following us.
The Fail Bird Handler was hit in the eye by her cellphone the other day. Hard. Hard enough to cause actual injury. Yup. No matter how you slice it, getting hit in the eye by something you, yourself are holding, is pretty stupid, and avoidable. After a full day spent with medical professionals, including a retina specialist, FHB left with a 85% positive prognosis. Time will tell whether the eye will heal on its own, or require surgical intervention. So, now it’s a waiting game.
While we wait, we’ve joined the slowly-growing ranks of jauntily eye-patched twitterers.
And hope against hope we don’t end up as another example of stupid cellphone users on http://hands-free-colorado.com/
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