twitter fail blog
sharing the good, and exposing the best of the worst on twitter
Become a Social Media Guru in 5 Easy Steps
You know what’s awesome about social media? Anyone with a computer can use it to talk to just about anyone else in the world. You know what sucks about social media? Anyone with a computer can use it to try to talk to you, whether you want to talk to them or not. On the one hand, you can communicate with family and friends without having to talk to them face-to-face ever again, and on the other, you have tons of spammers and bots (often the same thing) pretending to be your friend just so they can grab your attention and suck money out of you. Kind of like that bitch ex-girlfriend (Hi Marcia!) who dumped you on Valentine’s day, right after the dinner and drinks.
Fortunately, there are a bunch of experts to help you navigate the confusing world of connections and recommendations, hashtags and retweets. With very little effort, you can join their ranks, and take advantage of unfairly influence help yourself to loads of cash from help clueless n00bs who are trying to figure it all out.
- Create a twitter profile. Make sure to use at least one of the following terms in your bio:
- Social media expert
- Social media guru
- Social media strategist
- Social media maverick
- Social media rockstar
- Social media wizard
- Really, just about anything, as long as it starts with “Social Media”
- Upload a photo of you looking all guru-y.
- Set up a bot to follow a bunch of people, unfollow the ones who aren’t following you, and then follow a bunch more. Rinse, repeat.
- Set up a bot to follow rss feeds about social media, and tweet the links to your timeline so you never have to actually do anything social, like interact with other people.
- Make fun of all the people who just don’t get social media.
Wait. That may be just us.
Okay, there you have it, 5 4 easy steps to social media stardom.
Disclaimer: The people mentioned here may or may not be social media gurus. They may or may not have used any of the techniques mentioned. What do we know? We thought gurus all lived on mountaintops and knew the answers to life, the universe and everything (and that it really isn’t really 42), so we’re not exactly sure what a social media guru really is.
If you’re a social media guru, tell us what that means in the comments.
Or, make fun of our cluelessness on twitter: @tweet_fail
5 Responses to Become a Social Media Guru in 5 Easy Steps
Grab my feed
RSS Feed by Feedburner
Buy This Book!
Click the image to go to the order page. It's a great book. You can thank us after you read it. Now go buy the book!
Our Favorite Crafter
Pingback: Tweets that mention Become a Social Media Guru in 5 Easy Steps | twitter fail blog -- Topsy.com
Ah, yes, the MLM “gurus”, who have also commandeered the term “internet marketer.”
Twitter: olsmithy
says:
Hahaha I loved this article. It really puts the twitter AFK’ers and social spammers in to perspective. Good Job! Another thing worth mentioning is how often these people are MLM “guru’s” talking about their up and down lines all day using scheduled tweets. It’s so entertaining one of the things I’d rather do then hear about what they have to say is to possibly dig out my eyes with a rusty spoon.
.-= Sean´s last blog ..The Business Web Hosting specialists =-.
OMG. I just did a search, and there is such a thing. For only three easy payments of $549, You, yes You, can be a Certified Social Media Marketing Expert! Not that their site looks scammy, or anything.
I think I’m onto something here. I’m going to set up a certification program for “Intervention After Being Taken by Social Media Training Certificate Programs” Certificate.
Twitter: jackassletters
says:
I have started to see some people that are adding in “Certified” to their claim of being a Social Media Marketer or Strategist or whatever, like there is a training program somewhere.
.-= Christopher Jorgensen´s last blog ..Cinemark =-.