Twitter Choice Awards

As our own personal version of the People’s Choice Awards, we’re sharing some of the most popular twitter fails suggested by you, our fans. And other people who haven’t heard of us. In fact, by “you,” we mean anyone who tweeted about a twitter fail, and “suggested” means we found it in the public timeline. Unlike the PCA, we won’t buy any trophies, because the winners don’t deserve a prize.

The Categories for Twitter Fail include:

1. Retweet Addict. These people incessantly ask for Retweets as a way to validate their existence. The winners in this category ask for RT’s, even though they’re not following you; sometimes they are not following anyone!
   
   
    
2. Two-Faced. People who beg for a follow when they’re not following you. It’s like they are saying, “I want you to be my friend, but I won’t be yours.” To which we reply: #block.
   
   
    
3. Follower-Whoring. If something like this could be managed in the real world, even mean, unpopular girls (Hi Marcia!) would appear to have tons of friends.
   
   
    
4. Aggressive followers. The sign of a clueless n00b who thinks numbers are everything, or a scammer working to create a big list so they can sell the account to someone who doesn’t know better. Or doesn’t care.
   
   
    
5. Speaking on behalf of myself… The Fail Bird and the Fail Bird Handler (FBH) think this one is especially annoying.
   
   
    
6. Affiliate Marketers. “Link to my friendfeed/facebook/digg account/other link so that you have to view an ad before you get to the real content” nominees put making money off their followers ahead of making real friends. We’d like to bury these users along with their links.
   
   
    
7. Posers. Have you ever noticed that everyone who tries to look sexy in their avatar looks like they are trying to look sexy?
   
   
    
8. Looking for Mr. Goodbar. Seriously? People are picking up dates on twitter? *shudder*. You know what’s going to happen when those people actually meet. The conversation will start with “Your avatar looks much taller, or cuter, or… female.”
   
   
    
9. I wanna be a star. Here’s what we think when we see a photo of a celebrity as the avatar on an account not belonging to that celebrity: The person is obsessed, or they live in their parents’ basement and eat spaghetti-o’s and jello while surfing on their clamshell mac. Okay, probably both.
   
   
    
10. Abe Vigoda. We don’t talk to all of our friends every day, so failing to update your twitter page for a day or two is normal.  If you are gone for extended periods, people may start to wonder if you’re still alive.
    
    
     
11. Relationship busters. We’re guessing spouse knows about your twitter account, and might get a bit miffed about the public berating. Remember that guy who lost his job with Cisco for saying the wrong thing on twitter? Go now, and hire a lawyer. Your “better half” has already anted up a retainer of their own.
    
    
     
12. Now you’re just talking about us. Fine.
    
    
     

Got anyone you’d like to nominate for one of these categories? Expose them in the comments.