5 Tweets Nobody Wants to Read
This is our top 5 list for today. It will probably be different tomorrow. Every day, new people discover twitter, and bring all kinds of new things on board. Some will be wonderful. Some will be disastrous. We’ll be here to sort them for you.
The five things we are absolutely, completely, and totally so done hearing about are:
1. What you ate for breakfast/lunch/dinner/snack or hope to eat for breakfast/lunch/dinner/snack, or what you’re really hungry for, for breakfast/lunch/dinner/snack. Here’s a tip: if you tweet about what you brought for lunch, and it’s gone by the time you check the fridge, someone close by is watching your stream. The rest of us, unless it is absolutely awesome, and it’s an invitation to join you, really don’t want to know.
2. How many tweets you’ve posted. Sigh. This is so obvious, it’s painful. We can see your totals by looking at your twitter stats, or clicking your name in TweetDeck, or Seesmic, or whatever. Tweeting is not rocket science. The only equipment required to post a bunch of tweets is time and a keyboard. And talent? Seriously, have you read the public timeline?
3. Where you are right now. Yes, there are lots of applications that will let you update your twitter account with your current location. Nobody really cares where you are, except for the guy who’s waiting to rob your house.
4. Twitter is down, or over capacity, or you couldn’t post for 5 minutes. Sit back from the keyboard. Take a deep breath. This, too, will pass. When twitter is over capacity and you tweet about it, you are part of the problem!
5. Inspirational quotes, one-liners, old jokes, witty sayings, quip of the day, and every other trite bit o’ garbage that people tweet when they have absolutely nothing to say, yet feel the need to post just so people will know they are still alive. If every one of those hackneyed phrases were connected end-to-end, they’d circle @Oprah‘s equator about 100 million times. If you don’t have an original thought, it’s okay to say nothing at all.
We haven’t forgotten spam. Everyone hates spam, so we really didn’t need to mention it. Except we just did. There are about 80 zillion other things to add to this list. Stick your favorites in the comments.
We gotta go. It’s just about snack time, and we’re going to have…
Nevermind.
3 Responses to “5 Tweets Nobody Wants to Read”
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Add to the list retweets of folks who already have a gazillion followers.. we either read it already on the original post or we’re not following that person for a reason. This goes double for @aplusk retweets.
darn, i think i scored 6 out of your eventual 6. (I’ve done all of them at least once in the 11 months i’ve been on Twitter.)
I am often shocked by how much i tweet – round 50 a day average, but of course, there is the odd day when i’m not on Twitter, so that’s even worse than it sounds. I feel so sorry for people who aren’t following many people and have me performing in their tweetstream.
I have been unfollowed for talking about the weather.
did i mention the humidity?
don’t tweet that you’re at a social media conference, seminar, or other organized learning event. obviously you’ve learned nothing.
PS: and don’t tweet a pic of the snowfall near you. we’re all seeing it on the news and from our windows. i don’t need to see yours specifically.