Save the internets!

The US Congress is considering America’s first system for censoring the Internet.
Despite public outcry, the Internet Censorship bill could pass at any time.
If it does, the Internet and free speech will never be the same

If celebrities and special interest groups get their way, the internet we we know and love will cease to exist. The government and large corporations will rule the net, and decide what you can see, hear, read, write, share, and enjoy. Sharing sites like twitter could be gone forever, forcing many of us to resort to doing actual work.

Hollywood says they need the Protect IP Act to protect their copyrights. (Celebrities are behind this, because they haven’t yet bought everything in the entire world.) This Act won’t stop copyright infringement, and is actually more far-reaching than that. It will kill legal sharing sites, like twitter, Facebook, and all those other places where you post kitty pictures and repeat quotes we’ve all heard before. It will kill jobs, at a time when so many people are looking for one, and will encourage other countries to follow suit and censor their own citizens.

To be absolutely serious for just a moment, the bill being pushed through the Senate is a very scary form of censorship that needs to be stopped. They may vote on this bill this week. Please call your Senator(s) and tell them to vote against the Protect IP Act.

We find it especially telling that Hollywood is pushing so hard for this bill, so they can further pad their expanding wallets, yet the problems of child pornography, spam, viruses, and other internet evils don’t show up in their radar. They claim this bill is “a major step to make the Internet safer and protect consumers from the dangers of rogue sites in the online marketplace.” We’re calling shenanigans. They don’t care about protecting consumers from anything that really matters. What matters to them is money, and they don’t care what freedoms you lose in order for them to make more of it.

Be careful what you wish for

Celebrities live for the moment their name trends on Twitter. It gives them a sense of, as Sally Fields would say, “You like me. You really like me!” How awkward it must be, then, when that treasured moment arrives, and they find themselves trending because everyone is talking about how much they hate them.

Bands, celebrities,and  artists of all types have sucked while performing at professional sporting events for nearly as long as there have been professional sporting events. Who will ever forget Christina Aguilara and her mangled Star-Spangled Banner, the Black Eyed Peas dreadful halftime performance, and the pathetic attempts by Carl Lewis, Roseanne Barr, and Cuba Godding Jr. to sing our national anthem?

We weren’t surprised that Nickelback got the same audience response from their lackluster halftime performance during the Detroit Lions – Green Bay Packers football game. Because twitter is Twitter, plenty of people were more than happy to share their views.

The Packers’ Pat Lee was ejected in the first half after being involved in a scuffle while covering a punt. Evidently, the Nickelback performance drew plenty of flags, itself.

Ndamukong Suh stomped one guy. Nickelback injured thousands, both in the stadium, and the television audience. Fortunately for all who watched at home, we had plenty of avenues of escape.


Why the NFL chose to hire Nickelback, instead of a legedary Motown band was the subject of controversy in the weeks leading up to today’s game. Over 50,000 Detroit fans signed petition in an attempt to convince them to hire someone else. The NFL should have listened; evidently, once the band got on the field, there was no getting them back off.





Actually, Texas A&M deserved the apology

Actually, we think Texas A&M deserves the apology.


Ouch. After that performance, and all the backlash, we’re wondering who is cringing more: Nickelback, or everyone who suffered through today’s performance. One thing is guaranteed: No one is laughing with them.

This isn’t funny

We hate celebrities for lots of reasons, but we really hate them for pushing the US government to pass a bill that will censor the internet. This is serious business. If “Protect IP” passes, twitter would be shut down, because they would be responsible for everything everyone posts. So would YouTube, and Facebook, and Google+ and MySpace, okay, nobody really cares about MySpace any more, but still… All sharing sites could be shut down, so that Hollywood can protect their already over-inflated pocketbooks. In fact, any site that they think isn’t doing enough to insure they make enough money (read: even more money than they are worth) could be hit with lawsuits.

If you haven’t heard about this yet, watch this video.

Think we’re kidding? Look at the list of special interest groups behind this bill: http://www.opencongress.org/bill/112-h3261/money

If you haven’t contacted your Congressional Representative about this, please do so now. If you don’t, life on the internet will never be the same.

Nice try

On twitter, you can be anyone you want, as long as you’re not somebody else.

Twitter introduced “verified accounts” in 2009, in response to the hordes of celebrities flooding the service in search of even more attention. Okay, officially, they said, “Verification is currently used to establish authenticity of identities on Twitter. The goal of this program is to limit user confusion by making it easier to identify authentic accounts on Twitter.” In other words, there were a lot of losers pretending to be celebrities, and the celebrities didn’t like it. So, twitter gave them what every celeb pines for: Another award, in the form of a little blue check mark next to their name. Like this:

To get a verified account, you just had to fill out a form, proving your worthiness. We’re guessing twitter discontinued that process because they were overrun with applications from complete unknowns who needed someone to prove they exist. They are still verifying accounts, but you have to be famous or otherwise important enough to show up on their radar. Begging won’t work.

Not to fret, all you pathetic non-celebrities! Just like the ladies who carry counterfeit Louis Vuitton bags, pretending to be dripping in cash, there are plenty of “verified by twitter” knockoffs you can get, when you’re not famous enough for the real thing.

Take your choice:

The big and the bold. A check mark that won’t go unnoticed

Small, and understated. Or pathetic and whiny. Your call.

Department of Redundancy Department checkmark

Checkmark? I don’t need no stinking checkmark! I’M VERIFIED!

Of all the fake-verified accounts, this is our favorite:
I verify I’m verified

The persona you create on twitter can be as real or fake as you like. If you want to be original, unique, or special, the best persona you can create is the one you wear in real life. If you’re real, and fun, and interesting, you’ll be rewarded with interaction, and friendships of the sort that live in the short attention span theater of the timeline. The connections you make by being you will be worth much more than a silly little icon.

Some people understand social media. We're here to poke fun at the ones who don't If you see a post that fails, please send a screenshot and URL of the offender to tweetfail@gmail.com


We are not associated with twitter in any way. If you don't like something you see on this blog, it's not their fault.

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